LIL OLE’ LADY
LIL OLE’ LADY WHO
I DIDNT KNOW U COULD YODEL
lol laughed too hard at this for being 23 years old.
I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer
the only thing he killin with that face is my asshole
You are not truly a tragedy until you break a poet’s heart.
The average girl begins to plan her wedding at the age of 7
She picks the colors and the cake first
By the age of 10
She knows time,
She’s already chosen a gown
And a maid of honor
She’s waiting for a man
Who wont break out in hives when he hears the word “commitment”
Someone who doesn’t smell like a Band-Aid drenched in lonely
Someone who isn’t a temporary solution to the empty side of the bed
Who’ll hold her hand like it’s the only one they’ve ever seen
To be honest
I don’t know what kind of tux I’ll be wearing
I have no clue what want my wedding will look like
But I imagine
The women who pins my last to hers
Will butterfly down the aisle
Like a 5 foot promise
Will be so large that you’ll see it on google maps
And know exactly where our wedding is being held
The woman that I plan to marry
Will have champagne in her walk
And I will get drunk on her footsteps
When the pastor asks
If I take this woman to be my wife
I will say yes before he finishes the sentence
I’ll apologize later for being impolite
But I will also explain him
That our first kiss happened 6 years ago
And I’ve been practicing my “Yes”
For past 2, 165 days
When people ask me about my wedding
I never really know what to say
But when they ask me about my future wife
I always tell them
Her eyes are the only Christmas lights that deserve to be seen all year long
She thinks too much
Misses her father
Loves to laugh
And she’s terrible at lying
Because her face never figured out how to do it correctly
I tell them
If my alarm clock sounded like her voice
My snooze button would collect dust
I tell them
If she came in a bottle
I would drink her until my vision is blurry and my friends take away my keys
If she was a book
I would memorize her table of contents
I would read her cover-to-cover
Hoping to find typos
Just so we can both have a few things to work on
Because aren’t we all unfinished?
Don’t we all need a little editing?
Aren’t we all waiting to be proofread by someone?
Aren’t we all praying they will tell us that we make sense
She don’t always make sense
But her imperfections are the things I love about her the most
I don’t know when I will be married
I don’t know where I will be married
But I do know this
Whenever I’m asked about my future wife
I always say
…She’s a lot like you
Rudy francisco (via sandousy)
This is so perfect
something that i miss about childhood? well people don’t ask me what my favorite shape is anymore. adults just don’t do this. it’s a triangle in case you were wondering. you don’t care
so uncomfortable all the time
sitting this way doesn’t help
standing this way won’t do shit
everyone’s going about their daily lives but you
who’s been forced to
stop being so annoyed
stop being so emotional
stop talking about it so much
stop with the attitude
(as if I could magically turn my hormones off)
stop stop stop
WELL IM FUCKING SORRY
you look at me and see a belly but
I AM belly
I AM no alcohol, no rides, no hot tubs, no (excessive) exercise, no smoking, no sushi, unpasteurized cheeses, and lunch meat.
I live this every day.
you only live it when you look at me.
I’ve got 19 more weeks to look forward to 57 units of pain (although the human body can only handle 45)
and you get to watch
and come see the little bundle of joy after I’ve done all the hard work of making him.
so the next time someone tells me that I need to calm down and stop using pregnancy as an excuse to be rude and bitchy, I think I’m going to shove a watermelon up their ass.
because unless you know what it’s like to literally have the life sucked out of you because you’re giving it all to another human being, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DEAL WITH IT.
I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster since day one and no one realized how hard it is to smile when you really feel like choking everyone. how hard it is to not literally cry over spilled milk. even my “good days” and my (what I think/thought) positive attitude can somehow end up ruining someone else’s day.
I get it.
I’m an asshole, I’ve got barely any filter, and I’m pretty tired and grouchy all the time.
but it’d be nice if my sincere apologies for being that way were appreciated or even noticed. it’d make faking happy and nice that much easier.
I do have happy days. I’ve actually had a better pregnancy than most women.. but that doesn’t mean I’m not aching all the time, irritated by things you can’t see or feel by looking at me.
I love my son and I wouldn’t go back in time if I could, but god damnit, he’s draining all physical and emotional energy out of me and it would be nice if one person would look at me and feel some sort of sympathy. if one person would just say “you know what, you’re doing great.”
I am growing a human being.
I AM MAKING A LIFE RIGHT NOW.
I don’t give a flying fuck if women have been doing this all their lives.
I’m in THIS generation now. where pregnant women work, we pay bills, and we live everyday the same as we did before we got pregnant.
you think they did that 100, 1,000 years ago? probably not. because they were JUST. MOMS. they didn’t have any other duty besides that.
so anyone who’s got a problem with my motherfucking pregnant hormones can kiss my fat pregnant ass!!
i :) am :) so :) stressed :) about :) everything :) all :) the :) time :)